24 Years.

24 years, been in 24 states of mind.
I’m sinking but it’s all I can do to stay alive, depression comes around like an old friend once in a while.
And sometimes I worry that time may be running out.
No words but it’s just enough to let me say; I’m not bulletproof.

24 years, tried 24 times where it counts.
Am I here for the long haul and do these simple moments really count?
Still a novice even when I look up at the darkened clouds.
The stars whisper at night; life is only better when she falls asleep.
Take me back in time when I hadn’t tasted strawberries, so I didn’t know the lusciousness was only on the outside.
And man, somedays I believed I could fly on paper. With a pen in my hand and a book on a table, I couldn’t be stopped and at 16 I thought I was going to take on the world.

24 years, in 24 life times—I’ve seen people come and go as they please.
It hurt even when it was expected, but the ones that broke me were the ones I never saw coming.
Now I have to decide for myself; will I let these deaths change me, or will I be reborn from the ashes of those I’ve loved and lost.

24 years, been to 24 fast food joints.
Fluctuation in weight never made me the belle of the ball.
Even in heels I didn’t stand a chance against the most beautiful of them all.
My insecurities never magically disappeared.
Sometimes, just for fun, I go shopping for them at the mall.

24 years, tried 24 times to take the crown.
When I brought the heat it felt like I finally stood a chance.
I can still see the look in that lady’s eyes even before I knew an outsider couldn’t be queen.
Reaching for the stars in another man’s land was like hoping to see a dragon running around.

24 years, been down 24 memory lanes.
It’s okay because these experiences taught me how to be great.
I’m no longer the girl who looked up at the window and saw the boy smiling, his dimples skimming up at her like stones in a stream.
So when he called her worthless, she believed him, because if she was worth anything, he would have tried to be kinder with his words.
But this power I took back, I leave people before they leave me.
And maybe this is a curse, but at the time I thought it was a blessing.
Who do I trust enough to stay? Who’s radio will always be tuned to my favorite song?

24 years, had 24 talents and skills.
It never made me rich but it made me reach for the sky.
Never been one to go for the money but passion hasn’t fed me yet.
So what do I do about this life—when do I get to leave my mother’s nest?

24 years, been a damn good melancholic soul.
Playing it safe only kept little ol me in my cage.
I don’t know if I should be proud of myself or get angry, but since I turn into the hulk when I’m mad, I’ll keep the red locked in.

24 years, I’ll be 25 pretty soon.
I have not had a great love of my life, but with a family like mine, love is felt in every breath I take.
I realized that I’m still searching for things I may never have;
but all I ever wanted to do was make these people proud.

24 years, had 24 different kinds of hope.
Because that’s the one thing no one can take away from me.
Ask me years from now what I did with my life, and the answer will be…. you know what? I’ll let you decide.

Coming to @hersoulwrites1 pretty soon.

Follow @hersoulwrites1 on Instagram to stay up to date with the latest poetry.



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