ça craint

When it’s only a crush but it hurts like love.

Empty

You’re a shell 

a perfect empty shell 

nothing ever stays inside of you 

that’s a shame 

because that’s exactly where I wanna be.

-Amba  

ça craint

Let him call you dramatic

after all that’s what they call us when we try to express ourselves

but don’t hold those feelings in

It is the only way you can be exonerated

I know your heart is pure

I know you’re selective about who you choose to let in

but it’s so easy to fall in love when it fits

because he becomes the single most amazing thing that ever happened to you

you begin to feel like you can breathe again

this might be a routine for him

 but it feels so new to you, so you embrace it, you embrace him

like magnet you find yourself desperately drawn to him for reasons you cannot phantom

you know it’s too soon, but you’ve been ready, praying, waiting.

So, it’s a shock to your system when all you get for all the effort you’ve put in

is the aroma of love

glimpses of totality

nuggets of cheap affection

emojis as responses for your text book of depth

a parked car in your drive way that just won’t move.

Obviously, you begin to panic

you saw the signs from the beginning, but no one is really smart when the heart is involved

I know, I know, please cry about it, it’s okay, I won’t judge

for you felt deep in your bones that you matched

 it was a simple swipe to the right that ignited an instant connection.

It’s time to get up now, appreciate it for what it was and drop it

don’t give it the power to define who you become

because he will never feel as strongly as you felt

It should not become the bar for which you measure your happiness

he is not ready for a woman like you, he cannot handle anything real

he is fighting his demons and an angel like you should not be mixed in the devil’s business  

do not chase after him, choose to eat the back of a pineapple instead

You have been broken too many times and he knows because you dimed it fit to share

so, he’ll text you once in a while because he feels guilty for leaving you high and dry

but selective conscience is no conscience at all and guilt based on convenience is a sin

he is incapable of evolving but you have, so learn from this

I am sorry he hurt you, ça craint

but now you’ll be more careful about giving someone access to your gorgeous soul.

-Amba

skinny dip

I know there are so many fishes in the sea

but I only want to swim with you

–Amba

THIS SUCKS

I met you sitting under the stars 

your back tensed 

your lips drawn in a thin line 

I reached out to touch you, it’s been so long since I felt you

but you pulled away all to quickly

so stern, eyes dark and quiet

then you said…

I knew the story from the start

you wanted to make sure that I understand

that you’re coming back

you’re sorry that it didn’t last

but it was never your intention to make it last that long

the feelings kept bouncing back and forth

old conversations and laughs that you never had

holding my hand as we walked around all night

But I knew the story from the start

you just wanted to make sure that I understand

that although we had good times, it wasn’t planned

feelings like these were never made to last

you’re sorry I built my world around you

put a hedge of love around you

told my friends crazy stories about you

spent all those moments next to you

but It would always come down to this

we weren’t made to last

and you hoped that I could understand

because I knew you from the start.

Then you got up 

looked at me one last time 

and walked away 

Leaving me sitting there 

Just sitting there

-Amba 

NO WAITING

I will not fuss

I will not force

I will not make you stay

I know we are so much better than this

and together we can be stronger than this

There is a place beyond the horizon

the skies never fade there

the sun and the moon rotates impeccably

and prana energy transcends reality

it’ll take walking through thorns

and living a little on the edge

It’ll take taking my hand and trusting that I’ll hold on tight

But if you’re not willing to come with me,

that’s okay

I won’t compromise my strength,

I won’t compromise my soul

I won’t bother my spirit

For there is no waiting forever here

unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of time

yet, I’m hoping that you’ll change your mind

before another comes along and makes me change mine.

-Amba

THESE WORDS ARE MY OWN

I’m not quite sure what to say to you

I’m not lost for words you know

I have them in spades

I can feel them tangled up

Just running around in my head

I’m scared I’ll mess up and say something

that’s quite foreign to you

the way I’m foreign to you

so I won’t say anything at all

but you should know

on this path you walk alone

everyone you welcome into your journey

never leaves the same

I’ve been changed

I’m not sure if it’s good or bad yet

but I’ve been changed

and I owe it all to you

-Amba

WILL YOU?

You can

you can love 

you are capable of love 

you are capable of so much more than you know

the question is

Will you?

-Amba

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