When it’s only a crush but it hurts like love.
Empty
You’re a shell
a perfect empty shell
nothing ever stays inside of you
that’s a shame
because that’s exactly where I wanna be.
-Amba
ça craint
Let him call you dramatic
after all that’s what they call us when we try to express ourselves
but don’t hold those feelings in
It is the only way you can be exonerated
I know your heart is pure
I know you’re selective about who you choose to let in
but it’s so easy to fall in love when it fits
because he becomes the single most amazing thing that ever happened to you
you begin to feel like you can breathe again
this might be a routine for him
but it feels so new to you, so you embrace it, you embrace him
like magnet you find yourself desperately drawn to him for reasons you cannot phantom
you know it’s too soon, but you’ve been ready, praying, waiting.
So, it’s a shock to your system when all you get for all the effort you’ve put in
is the aroma of love
glimpses of totality
nuggets of cheap affection
emojis as responses for your text book of depth
a parked car in your drive way that just won’t move.
Obviously, you begin to panic
you saw the signs from the beginning, but no one is really smart when the heart is involved
I know, I know, please cry about it, it’s okay, I won’t judge
for you felt deep in your bones that you matched
it was a simple swipe to the right that ignited an instant connection.
It’s time to get up now, appreciate it for what it was and drop it
don’t give it the power to define who you become
because he will never feel as strongly as you felt
It should not become the bar for which you measure your happiness
he is not ready for a woman like you, he cannot handle anything real
he is fighting his demons and an angel like you should not be mixed in the devil’s business
do not chase after him, choose to eat the back of a pineapple instead
You have been broken too many times and he knows because you dimed it fit to share
so, he’ll text you once in a while because he feels guilty for leaving you high and dry
but selective conscience is no conscience at all and guilt based on convenience is a sin
he is incapable of evolving but you have, so learn from this
I am sorry he hurt you, ça craint
but now you’ll be more careful about giving someone access to your gorgeous soul.
-Amba
skinny dip
I know there are so many fishes in the sea
but I only want to swim with you
–Amba
THIS SUCKS
I met you sitting under the stars
your back tensed
your lips drawn in a thin line
I reached out to touch you, it’s been so long since I felt you
but you pulled away all to quickly
so stern, eyes dark and quiet
then you said…
I knew the story from the start
you wanted to make sure that I understand
that you’re coming back
you’re sorry that it didn’t last
but it was never your intention to make it last that long
the feelings kept bouncing back and forth
old conversations and laughs that you never had
holding my hand as we walked around all night
But I knew the story from the start
you just wanted to make sure that I understand
that although we had good times, it wasn’t planned
feelings like these were never made to last
you’re sorry I built my world around you
put a hedge of love around you
told my friends crazy stories about you
spent all those moments next to you
but It would always come down to this
we weren’t made to last
and you hoped that I could understand
because I knew you from the start.
Then you got up
looked at me one last time
and walked away
Leaving me sitting there
Just sitting there
-Amba
NO WAITING
I will not fuss
I will not force
I will not make you stay
I know we are so much better than this
and together we can be stronger than this
There is a place beyond the horizon
the skies never fade there
the sun and the moon rotates impeccably
and prana energy transcends reality
it’ll take walking through thorns
and living a little on the edge
It’ll take taking my hand and trusting that I’ll hold on tight
But if you’re not willing to come with me,
that’s okay
I won’t compromise my strength,
I won’t compromise my soul
I won’t bother my spirit
For there is no waiting forever here
unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of time
yet, I’m hoping that you’ll change your mind
before another comes along and makes me change mine.
-Amba
THESE WORDS ARE MY OWN
I’m not quite sure what to say to you
I’m not lost for words you know
I have them in spades
I can feel them tangled up
Just running around in my head
I’m scared I’ll mess up and say something
that’s quite foreign to you
the way I’m foreign to you
so I won’t say anything at all
but you should know
on this path you walk alone
everyone you welcome into your journey
never leaves the same
I’ve been changed
I’m not sure if it’s good or bad yet
but I’ve been changed
and I owe it all to you
-Amba
WILL YOU?
You can
you can love
you are capable of love
you are capable of so much more than you know
the question is
Will you?
-Amba
