In the world of online dating, nothing is ever certain. It is a relationship gamble between swiping right and hoping one out of all the options might be the right one. If you are an avid reader of my blog, you have probably come across my Tinder story. I have been around the block a few times and I have decided to use my experiences to guide you as you spread your wings of love online.
If there’s anything dating in the 21st century has taught me is never to have high expectations. Take it as it comes and when someone shows you who they are, believe them. You have to understand that you are not the only one in the mix, there are others like you hoping for the same connection. So, do not take it personally until you absolutely have to. I matched with this guy on Tinder and for a whole week he made me feel like I was the queen of the world. We ended going up going out on a date and we had an amazing time. I took a picture of him sitting across from me and sent it to him because I thought he looked cute. We kept texting after the date until he stopped replying my messages. I thought he must have left this world to a better place because it was the first time I was ever ghosted in that manner. A couple weeks passed and I decided to join Bumble, another dating app. I came across his profile on Bumble and guess what? the picture I sent to him, the one I took on our date, was the picture he used on his profile.
I wanted to report his profile so it could be banned but I grew out of my petty state a week before the incident. Besides, Eve ate an apple and now we have labor pains, worse things have happened. Do not expect too much too soon. Be open, go with the flow and when it stops flowing, stop paddling and get off the boat.
2. It is on both of you to keep the conversation going
On Bumble, women make the first move. They have the power to pick and choose who they communicate with. I have come across men who refuse to put in the effort because I reached out first. The weight of the conversation fell on my shoulders and it almost seemed like a chore to find the next question to ask. If you realize that the communication between you and the person you are talking to is one sided or he/she is giving you one-word replies, kindly exit the conversation. If we both swipe right, we should both be willing to put in the work to keep the conversation going. I understand that sometimes people can be a bit taciturn but you can clearly differentiate between a person who is interested and a person whose interest is drab.
3. Compliment goes a long way
I know a lot of ladies are used to hearing how gorgeous they look but men don’t get as much compliments as we do. So, in an effort to boost his confidence, compliment his smile, his eyes, his outfit e.t.c. If he says something you find interesting, let him know. Apart from the fact that in dating it makes the other person feel good, compliments are a good way to put a smile on someone’s face. For the men, let her know how interested you are by the responses you give to her text book of depth. Follow the conversation and do not be in a haste to change the topic. If it matters to her, let it be your priority too.
4. Copy and paste
While all conversations might be a little different, there are some generic questions that you always have to answer like; where you’re from, your name, your favorite color, where you work, how tall you are, e.t.c. To save you from the stress of always having to type these answers out, have them somewhere written down. Chances are you are gonna be texting four to five people the same thing if you have a lot of matches you are interested in talking to. That’s not to say do not add or subtract as the conversation demands. I am simply saying, learn to improvise while saving yourself some time.
5. Ask him out
Men are shy too. They get nervous and feel anxious. They talk to their guys about a girl they like and they also play hard to get. Take the initiative, if you like him and would like to see him, ask him out for a cup of coffee, ice cream or a walk. Nothing too serious, you’re still controlling the narrative and you’re making it clear that you’re interested in him.
6. Because he/she is good looking doesn’t mean they’ll be good to you or for you.
You’ve probably heard this a couple of times but I hope you know not to settle for less than you deserve. When the connection is poor or the energies do not match, it’s time to acknowledge it for what it is and drop it. Do not waste your time trying to force a connection, it is not supposed to be that hard. No matter how good-looking he/she is, they can not give you what they don’t have. If what they are offering is not enough for you, let it go before you become a motivational speaker.
I am hoping you are not the one who writes run on sentences. Punctuations are there for a reason, please use it. I have met a couple of people who feel like puntutsations are a taboo and should never be used. It makes it really hard to communicate when every thing is jumbled up together. Someone on Bumble called me a robot because my sentences were too proper. I had to send him a selfie to prove I was a real human being. Be the robot if you have to, not the person who jam packs their words.
8. Personal hygiene
If you know you are the one picking the other party up for a date, please clean your car. I can not emphasize this enough, CLEAN YOUR CAR. It says so much about you when you show up to pick your date in a dirty car.
I met this guy up for a date and he insisted on dropping me off. He was the cutest human being ever. When it was time to go home, he opened the car for me. Ladies and gentlemen, no matter the words I use to describe what I am about to tell you, it would never do it justice. It’s something you have to see to believe. It was apparent that he was a huge fan of dunkin donuts because there were coffee cups and paper bags every where, almost like he threw his trash inside his car. His clothes, shoes, books, cups e.t.c were everywhere. I am not sure if he was living out of his car but it was unpleasant and it smelled funny too. So, learn from my traumatic experience, it should never have to happen to anyone. Please, if cleanliness is a crime, be a culprit.
Another thing, please dress to impress the person you are going out with. Know the type of date/setting and dress for the occasion. Match the person’s fly. Put some cologne/perfume on, not so much that you suffocate the life out of them but enough to smell nice.
There is no time line for when you have to open up to the people you match with. You’ll come across people that are really easy to talk to and some that are way too guarded. You’ll definitely come across different personality types. Go with what your gut tells you to do. Sometimes, when you open up, the other person feels more at ease and they may follow suit. Other times, it doesn’t work out that way. Don’t be forced or pressured to share about your personal life. You can keep the conversation as casual or as deep as you want to. The other person is not obligated to reciprocate, no one owes you anything. It’ll be nice if they did but do not feel offended if they don’t.
The most embarrassing experience for me on Bumble would have to be when I matched with a man and his room mate. Lucky for me, I was able to spin it to my advantage. He just casually threw it out there that I also matched with his room mate. After recovering from my black out, I told him to say hi to his room mate for me. The second most embarrassing experience was when I matched with another man and his best friend. He had his instagram handle on his profile and you know I had to do my research. When I went on his profile, I saw a lot of pictures of them together. No, the ground did not open and swallow me, I just slept for like a week straight. You may or may not come across things like these. When you do, don’t panic. Brush it off and keep it moving.
11. Have fun.
I’ve had crushes, I have cried, I have been infatuated and I have been caught by surprise. In all, I have had the time of my life. I am not sure what I am looking for on dating sites but so far, I have learned a lot about a lot of things. I have this new found humility, I recognize that there is so much I still do not know and I am eager to learn. Do not box yourself in, go on dates, laugh, cry and have fun. Most importantly, be safe out there!
I hope this helps you. let me know what you think and if you will be using this tips for your future dates!