By Ayamba.
STAY IN YOUR LANE.
Maybe if I were into politics or the environment, I could add more value. I could make more sense. Maybe my poems would be noble. Perhaps, even compel people to think for themselves. Hollow human machines would suddenly wake up and vote, pick up after themselves, and sign petitions to save the Javan rhinos because they are an endangered species.
But all I’ve ever known how to write about is love, — in all its wild and unruly glory. It’s always been enough for me. But sometimes, I wonder if people prefer power to love. Or if they would rather learn about the latest scientific breakthrough on how to reduce global carbon footprint than read about any romantic nonsense.
While these things are infinitely important, I feel too much to write too little about love. And I am not gifted in the art of persuasion. If it were left to me, the world may burn to ashes or forever be without a suitable leader. So, I purposely choose to keep digging until I have completely unearthed and exhausted the matters of the heart. Then, begin afresh. But don’t count me out of politics or the environment completely. After all, love is what aligns the frayed edges of this world.
BE WHO YOU ARE, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
I have been known to worry too much. It’s like, “there’s Ayamba, she’s perhaps the most steadfast of them all, but she has a perpetual flaw, — she’s a worrier.”
They say I create more bruises out of a simple blemish. It’s an unorthodox way to live. I have been accused of expanding the walls of a nonsensical matter that perhaps had a simple solution. So that what was supposed to be a brief moment of chaos becomes an entire dramatic scene deserving of an oscar. While that is not an accurate depiction of the way I handle situations, I will admit that I add way too much sugar into a demitasse cup of tea. One may see that as an exaggeration, but it’s not yours to drink, it is mine.
And what if I worry too much? I have never understood people who worry too little. People who say a tsunami is just a tsunami, instead of a fucking water bomb slowly destroying everything in its path. I may worry or exaggerate, but it also means I care. I don’t just worry about myself, I worry about the world and everyone else. It’s my burden and I carry it well. I have discovered that there’s no shame in admitting that.
YES, THERE’S A LOVE LIKE THAT.
There’s a kind of love that may one day tilt you on your axis — so that you’re completely turned upside down. You may never fully return to yourself and even when you do, it’s in stages.
Maybe you’ve never known the feeling. Or you’ve been too busy feeling it with the wrong people for it to ever be anything but a delusion. You might worry that all you’ve ever felt was the stroke of love, like a phantom touch along the seam of your heart. It never fully materialized. Your body wasn’t even able to track the feeling because it felt like it never happened.
If you’ve never babbled or blushed, don’t count yourself out just yet. I think at the age of 26, I have come to realize that love is first a practical decision before it is an emotional one. The realist never waits for the butterflies. The physical appearance may be appealing, but it’s the character and heart that build a long-lasting foundation. And maybe if you think this way, you’ll be looking for a love that’s suitable and sustainable. This means that there are many lovely people out there waiting to give you the kind of commitment that speaks of permanence. And when you find one and make them yours, everything before them will seem so small compared to everything you’ll gain during them.
So, be honest with yourself, be open-minded, and be willing to throw the concept of “a certain type” out the window. Soon, you’ll find a person who makes you burn hotter than the sun when you’re in their orbit. They’ll steal your breath and give it back. They’ll give you the kind of love that’ll last.
So, I leave you with this poem:
She said, — this is how the world is now,
everyone is searching for that special someone.
He said, — that “special someone” does not exist.
You find one person your whole being agrees with
and make them special to you.
What about you? She asked.
Have you found a person you want to make yours?
He looked at her with a glint in his eye and said, — I’m looking at her.
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