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I came across this podcast on Youtube hosted by Lewis Howes called The School of Greatness. It is a talk show distributed as a podcast. When I came across this talk show I was a bit apprehensive because first of all, it was an hour and a few minutes long. I knew nothing about Lewis Howes or Devon Franklin other than the fact that DeVon blesses our hearts with his prayers on Instagram and produces great movies. When I looked him up, I realized he is so much more than a great husband and a great speaker. He is an award-winning film and TV producer, New York Times best-selling author, international speaker, and spiritual success coach.
During this podcast, Lewis Howes asked a lot of important questions but I would like to share my two cents and a synopsis of DeVon Franklin’s powerful talk. At the bottom, I’ll have the link to the talk show and when you get the chance, you can also listen to it. let’s get into it…
“If we date better we marry better,￼ If we marry better we family better￼, If we family better we parent better, If we parent better we community better￼￼.”￼ – DeVon Franklin.
On Lust and Virtue: DeVon talked about lust and virtue. He stated that lust is selfish and it wants what he wants, while love is selfless, patient, and kind. A person can not go from constantly feeding on lust to becoming virtuous by getting married. Marriage does not automatically give anyone discipline. You can not go from having no discipline to having constant discipline. Taking two people and making them one is the hardest thing ever and if these people have vices and have not properly worked through them, those vices will always feed on lust in whatever form it presents itself. In order to attain discipline and virtue, we must constantly put things in our spirits that remind us of who we are￼.
Men especially need to learn to discipline their appetite￼ in dating and relationships. The reason for this discipline is because men have been conditioned to just more so the idea of having one woman is a foreign concept.
Speaking the truth in relationships: According to DeVon Franklin, when it comes to love, people do not tell the truth because they fear being rejected or judged by their partners. For me, it was not about rejection or judgment, it was mostly about trying to preserve the feelings of the person I was dating. I had to realize that the hurt will always be there, it all depends on when and how I tell the truth. From this podcast, I learned that we need to try and communicate with our partners, not at our partners. From now on, we have to learn to talk early and talk fast. We should not hold on to what we think, especially if it makes us feel uncomfortable. ￼Sparing another’s feelings at the expense of our own does not do anyone any good in the long run.
On Choosing A Partner: This was major for me. DeVon Franklin emphasized on dating with more intent. Both men and women need to learn to humanize their partners. We are not sexual objects. How many times have you joined a dating App because you wanted to have a quick fling? Also, we need to deconstruct the idea that virginity is a social construct. If you have decided not to share your body with a man or a woman, that is your personal choice. You become a slave to whatever you give yourself to, if it is constantly chasing after sex and after flings, it becomes your master. Even when your are dating regularly, date with clarity and explore with intention￼.
Women And The Gray Area: “In relationships, the one who has the most knowledge has the most power.” –Devon Franklin. If we are being honest with ourselves, men usually possess that power. From the onset, men know where the relationship is headed while the women invest too much too soon. This is called a gray area and women need to learn to get out of that area. As women, we have a lot of power in dating but give it away too easily￼. We need to learn to ask clear and direct questions, we also need to wait for clear and direct answers. We should not help a man figure out his feelings for us or feed him the answers we want to hear. Have an observation period in dating to see if the man is even worthy of knowing your plans or knowing what you think￼.
On Marriage: When your home life is settled there is a freedom there because the institution of marriage fosters love and vulnerability. For a man,￼ anything that does not contribute to his survival, he suppresses and in retrospect, anything we suppress, we empower.￼ It becomes the thing that defines us￼. So, what fosters that vulnerability is when a man learns to lead in love and not by force. How does a man achieve that vulnerability? He needs to learn to be in touch with who he is and be sensitive to each moment.
On Dealing With Hurt And Image: Both men and women need to learn to bridge the gap between the person and the persona. The image we portray to the world is usually different from our personal/private self. What hurts internally has to heal internally. If you are like me, I always have this need to prove my worth, like DeVon Franklin called it, being a rebel in reverse. I have to learn to be and not just constantly do, I need to learn to stop proving my value and so should you.
Women Dealing With Men: That surface or superficial dating this generation is so used to should be shoved out of the window. Everyone is not easily replaceable. So, if you are dealing with a man you truly love and enjoy, learn to go beneath the surface. Ask about his insecurities, failures, and anxieties. ￼In trying to make a boy a man￼, speak to the man in him when he acts like a boy. Every time a man acts like a fool, talk to the king in him￼. But when you’re dealing with a man who does not want to change, the best thing to do for you and him is to leave￼. You can not call out the master in him when he does not see it in himself. A woman does not have to choose between love and respect￼.
In general, to thrive in a relationship, start the day in love￼ by taking a moment to communicate with your partner￼. Plug in to your partner every morning￼. Be aware of what is happening in your partner’s life even when maintaining your individuality￼. Invest in their personal lives because every marriage or relationship that doesn’t work started with not being invested. Let your partner know you love them, you know them, you see them, and you got them. ￼
WATCH FULL PODCAST HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAqj2LHYKt4
follow @DeVonFranklin and @Lewishowes on Instagram
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