Journal Entry.
|Time: 2: 45 am |
| Date: February 17, 2022 |
Ayamba, you should be sleeping. But you’re up thinking. It’s what you do, it’s who you are. You think more than you live. So, here’s a bit of advice for you:
You don’t have to try so hard. You don’t have to look at it over and over until it becomes ugly. You don’t have to devalue yourself. Don’t bend it until it breaks. Don’t fix it until it becomes rigid. Don’t edit it until it’s make-believe. It matters just the way it is. The blemish, the dark spots, the inconsistencies. You don’t have to do too much to feel among. You’re shining where you are, right where you are.
You’re okay, it’s okay. You matter.
— Perfection belongs to Christ. You’re only human. Look at you asking God to show you His kindness. But you’re so unkind to yourself it hurts. Stop picking yourself apart. Just stop.
Please, believe in yourself. Don’t count yourself out just yet. Trust God, don’t stop waiting because He is still working. No words are more powerful than the ones you tell yourself. Speak to yourself kindly, stop being mean to yourself in your head. It reflects on the outside. As with everything else in life, you need to practice how to be more confident. And how to walk in a straight line. You’re not drunk. You just don’t know how to walk right.
Have fun. Don’t always look at the numbers, the comments, and the likes. Look at what you’ve created, — the intention behind it and less at the reception. The captions don’t have to be cute, copied, or short. It can be what you want it to be. You’re here for a long time, so take your time.
They are people who love you. You’re not winning them over more than you already have. Quit doing things to please them at a disadvantage to yourself.
Accept the compliments, it’s all true. You’re that queen. “You’re all the colors in one at full brightness.” Stop doubting yourself and your talents. It isn’t modesty or humility. Even if it is, it’s distasteful and so out of fashion.
All that matters is a life well-lived. The trends and the hype change weekly, so know who are. And you do, you bloody empath. The sum of your worth and your life isn’t in little boxes or 60-second videos. It’s in everything else that happens outside of it. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, it just has to be real. Relax, chill, calm down. It’s not that deep. You hate these words but you need to hear them to remind yourself that you’re doing just fine. Okay?
—
Okay.
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