You only like me on social media

I showed my best friend a screen shot of the message you sent to me a month ago. Can you believe it? it’s been a month and I still wonder why I haven’t received a smoke signal from you. I should take the hint, you are doing just fine without me.

But the thing is, you like me on social media. I see you watch my stories. You like my pictures. You leave comments on my posts. You still think I am gorgeous. Like it’s something that exists because it was gifted to me by you. 

Every time you pop up on my screen, my heart starts racing, my head starts spinning. I look at my phone every minute, thinking you’ll text. I say this time, he’ll reach out, he’ll try.

He’ll try… can it get any worse than this? Hoping a person would try? When I deserve the world and all that dwells in it?

The day goes by and night washes over me, but my phone never receives a text from you. This is what you do every time. It’s like you’re letting me know you like my body but not my soul. You are attracted to my physical appearance but not my heart. It’s easier to compliment me in the open than to show concern about me in private. So, in essence, if I never post a picture ever again, you’ll forget I exist. To receive a glimmer of attention from you, I have to frame my life into little boxes.

Why are you like this? You know what you are doing to me, yet you do it anyway. Dangle carrots of compliments my way so I would bring back the “maybe’s” I shoved in boxes along with the memories we shared.

Why are you like this? I know it takes nothing out of your precious time to like me on social media, but it takes days for me to forget that very action. I constantly read between the lines trying to understand why you liked my picture. A picture I posted in the first place because I felt beautiful, has all of a sudden become about you. Everything is always about you.

So, this is what’s gonna happen…I am done analyzing your cheap moves. I am done hoping that you’ll realize it’s been me all along. I’ve spent time wondering if I was deserving of you but It’s been the other way around all along. You don’t deserve me. I’ll keep slaying because it’s what I do but I’m done making me about you. To put it in a social media term for you to understand… BOY BYE

 -Amba 

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