A couple of days ago, I was reading Proverbs 20—slowly and intentionally. When I got to verse 5, as we’d say today, it had me in a chokehold.
It says – The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
What does it mean to be a man of understanding? It’s the ability to discern, perceive, and apply truth wisely in life. I believe God paused me there because I was entering a season of dual meaning—one where I needed to understand my own heart and what I truly desired. Only then could I see clearly what was meant for me and what was not.
In relationships, I’ve learned not to compromise my values. Yet, once in a while, I feel that subtle pull—the urge to bend just a little, to fit someone else’s mold. But God keeps nudging me to stand firm. To stand in who He has created me to be and let that be enough. Out of the abundance of that, everything else will flow. The Holy Spirit told me:
Present yourself in the truthful light, not just the best light. The lower you go, you will always meet low‑quality people. But if you stay true to who you are, the right person will find you. Don’t omit what matters to you—commit to it.
Truth is always better than performance. Don’t mix what is set apart with what is not. The Holy Spirit in you will always protest when something is off. And if you ignore that voice long enough, you risk silencing Him just to go your own way.
A lot of the hurt we carry in relationships—not all, but far more than we admit—comes from refusing to face the truth from the start. The boundary was blurry, the foundation already cracked. You stepped outside your values to get them, and had to stay outside your values to keep them. Now you’re struggling to prove your worth through your “goodness.” But if you were truly operating from truth, why did that goodness keep drawing you into the wrong relationships? After all, deep calls unto deep
Sit with yourself, and sit with God to truly understand yourself. Only by looking inward can you begin to break through the belief that it was solely all their fault. It’s okay to say, “This one was on me. I chose wrongly that time.” Owning your part in anything isn’t self‑condemnation—it’s the first step toward choosing better, loving wiser, and healing deeper.
Remember when I said dual meaning? Now that we’ve taken the speck from our own eye, we’re ready to pull the 2×4 plank from our neighbor’s.
Proverbs 20:5 is heavy. When something is described as “deep water,” it means the distance from the surface to the bottom is vast. It’s often dark, cold, and under pressure. It can hide strong undercurrents and unseen dangers—forces that can shock or even drown anyone who isn’t prepared. That is exactly how the human heart can be. We are complex creatures, sometimes to extremes. What we show on the outside can be very different from what we carry within. 1 Corinthians 2:11 says:
For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them?
Who can truly know the heart of another? Sometimes, not even the person carrying it fully understands it. This is where God comes in. Hebrews 4:12 says:
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
In your dating life—and every connection you let into your heart—let God’s Word come alive in you. He made us and knows every corner of our hearts. Where our understanding ends, His never does. People see only the surface, but God sees the hidden. Lean into Him. Ask for His discernment—He delights in revealing what your eyes and heart cannot yet perceive.
The other day, I was on my way to meet someone, and I prayed beforehand. I rebuked every form of spiritual interference, asking that nothing cloud or distort the truth of who this person really was. I prayed that the Lord would cover our encounter in light—and that this light would act as a weapon, exposing any darkness hidden within them, if there was any at all.
And God showed me what I needed to see. And, as the good Father that He is, He also showed me why I was looking for compromise in my heart—because I wanted the story to be different. That’s how a lot of us are. We want the person to be who we imagined. We want the outcome we prayed for—even when God is gently saying, Not this one.
He revealed how easily we make excuses for people, how quickly we cling to tiny bits of good while ignoring the overwhelming signs that something is off. There are people worth giving a chance, and there are those worth fleeing from. Discernment is the difference. Laboring to know the Holy Spirit is not a chore—it is deliverance. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, in stillness and in honesty, is what ensures you see correctly.
Mark 8:22–25 – Jesus took him by the hand and led him outside the village. After touching his eyes, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”The man replied, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” So Jesus touched him again—and only then did he see clearly.
Even Jesus had to touch the man’s eyes twice for him to see clearly. That shows us partial sight is Possible. We can miss the wicked and overlook the truly good—and it can cost us precious time, emotional turmoil, and deep regrets. Ask to see again, even if you’ve seen once. Ask to see early, so you can invest your time and your heart wisely. Proverbs 20:6 says:
Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?
Scripture asks this intentionally. Because finding is not accidental—it is strategic. It means you recognize what is present, not just what is presented. God, in His wisdom, often hides what is valuable. Those who are faithful are not always loud, obvious, or easily recognized. Because of His investment in them, He covers them in His goodness and mercy.
To say humans are generally good or generally evil is a generalization—and that is not the mark of wisdom. Scripture teaches us to keep one eye closed in prayer and one eye open in watchfulness. Don’t focus so much on “protecting your peace” that you miss how God may disrupt your life to restore it. But don’t choose chaos when He promises perfect peace.
So what do we do? We trust the Lord with all our hearts and refuse to lean on our own understanding. In all our ways, we acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5–6).
So this is my prayer for you:
That the desires of this world—the pull toward appearance over substance, or material things over faithfulness—will never darken the eyes of your understanding. I pray that you will not see men as trees, but that you will always see clearly and correctly. May you be a man or woman of deep understanding, with the grace to discern and draw out the purpose and intentions within the hearts of others.
I cancel every influence of demonic manipulation over your ability to perceive rightly, and I hide your discernment in the light of God. In the name of Jesus, let every scale fall from your eyes, your ears, and your heart.You will desire the right things, the right people, and the right relationships. And whoever is not sent from God—for the Word says, “There was a man sent from God, whose name was John”—I declare that they will be exposed. Whatever they have taken from you, or planned to take, will be restored. They will exit your life, driven out by the angels of God.
I pray that your heart will not carry the burden of wrong desires, for there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is destruction. May Jesus hold your hand and lead you as you lean not on your own understanding but on Him. May He direct your path always into the right relationships.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
