A couple of days ago, I was reading Proverbs 20—slowly and intentionally. When I got to verse 5, it had me in a chokehold:
It says – The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
What does it mean to be a man of understanding? It’s the ability to discern, perceive, and apply truth wisely in life. I believe God paused me there because I was entering a season of dual meaning—one where I needed to understand my own heart and what I truly desired. Only then could I see clearly what was meant for me and what was not.
In relationships, I’ve learned not to compromise my values. Yet, once in a while, I feel that subtle pull—the urge to bend just a little, to fit someone else’s mold. But God keeps nudging me to stand firm. To stand in who He has created me to be and let that be enough. Out of the abundance of that, everything else will flow. The Holy Spirit told me:
Present yourself in the truthful light, not just the best light. The lower you go, you will always meet low‑quality people. But if you stay true to who you are, the right person will find you. Don’t omit what matters to you—commit to it.
Truth is always better than performance. Don’t mix what is set apart with what is not. The Holy Spirit in you will always protest when something is off. And if you ignore that voice long enough, you risk silencing Him just to go your own way.
A lot of the hurt we carry in relationships—not all, but far more than we admit—comes from refusing to face the truth from the start. Boundaries were blurry, and the foundation was already cracked. You stepped outside your values to get someone and then had to remain outside them to keep the connection. Now you struggle to prove your worth through your “goodness.” But if you were truly operating from truth, why did that goodness keep drawing you into the wrong relationships? After all, deep calls to deep.
Sit with yourself, and sit with God, to truly understand your heart. Only then can you break the belief that it was all someone else’s fault. It’s okay to say, “This one was on me. I chose wrongly.” Owning your part isn’t self-condemnation—it’s the first step toward loving wiser, choosing better, and healing deeper.
Now, having addressed ourselves, we’re ready to engage others with clarity and wisdom.
Proverbs 20:5 is heavy. When something is described as “deep water,” it is not shallow. It is dark, cold, and under pressure, hiding strong currents and unseen dangers. That is the human heart: what we show on the outside may be very different from what we carry within. 1 Corinthians 2:11 reminds us:
For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them?
Even we cannot fully understand our own hearts—and that’s where God comes in. Hebrews 4:12 says:
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
In your dating life—and in every connection you allow into your heart—let God’s Word be alive and active within you. He made us and knows every corner of our hearts. Where our understanding ends, His never does. People see only the surface, but God sees the hidden. Lean into Him and seek His discernment, for He delights in revealing what your eyes and heart cannot yet perceive.
The other day, I was on my way to meet someone, and I prayed beforehand. I rebuked every form of spiritual interference, asking that nothing cloud or distort the truth of who this person really was. I prayed that the Lord would cover our encounter in light—and that this light would act as a weapon, exposing any darkness hidden within them, if there was any at all.
God showed me what I needed to see. And, as the good Father that He is, He also revealed why I had been looking for compromise in my heart—because I wanted the story to be different. That’s how many of us are: we want the person to match our imagination, the outcome to match our prayers—even when God is gently saying, not this one.
He revealed how easily we make excuses for people, how quickly we cling to tiny bits of good while ignoring the overwhelming signs that something is off. There are people worth giving a chance, and there are those worth fleeing from. Discernment is the difference. Laboring to know the Holy Spirit is not a chore—it is deliverance. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, in stillness and in honesty, is what ensures you see correctly.
Mark 8:22–25 – Jesus took him by the hand and led him outside the village. After touching his eyes, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”The man replied, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” So Jesus touched him again—and only then did he see clearly.
Even Jesus had to touch the man’s eyes twice for him to see clearly. That shows us partial sight is Possible. We can miss the wicked and overlook the truly good—and it can cost us precious time, emotional turmoil, and deep regrets. Ask to see again, even if you’ve seen once. Ask to see early, so you can invest your time and your heart wisely. Proverbs 20:6 says:
Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?
Scripture asks this intentionally. Because finding is not accidental—it is strategic. It means you recognize what is present, not just what is presented. God, in His wisdom, often hides what is valuable. Those who are faithful are not always loud, obvious, or easily recognized. Because of His investment in them, He covers them in His goodness and mercy.
To claim humanity is inherently good or evil is oversimplification. We are of God, yet the world lies in wickedness. Goodness exists alongside evil—always. That is why Scripture teaches us to keep one eye closed in prayer and one eye open in watchfulness. Don’t protect your peace at the cost of missing God’s restoring work—but don’t choose chaos when He promises perfect peace.
So what do we do? We trust the Lord with all our hearts and refuse to lean on our own understanding. In all our ways, we acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5–6).
So this is my prayer for you:
I pray that the desires of this world—the pull toward appearance over substance, or material things over faithfulness—will never cloud the eyes of your understanding. May you never see people as trees, but always see clearly and rightly. May you be a man or woman of deep understanding, with the grace to discern and draw out the purpose and intentions within the hearts of others.
I cancel every influence of deception and demonic manipulation over your ability to perceive rightly, and I hide your discernment in the light of God. In the name of Jesus, let every scale fall from your eyes, your ears, and your heart. You will desire the right things, the right people, and the right relationships. Whoever is not sent from God will be exposed, and whatever has been taken from you—or planned to be—will be restored. They will leave your life, driven out by the angels of God.
I pray that your heart will carry no burden of wrong desires, for there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is destruction. May Jesus hold your hand and lead you as you lean not on your own understanding, but fully on Him. May He direct your path always into the right relationships.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
